sigh

hey.

it's maundy thursday today. but to me it doesn't really concern me too much about this day, because i know nothing regarding this. i've always the wish to understand what goes on during celebrations, but with the fear that i might disturb others or probably waste their time spent with God, i avoided asking too many questions which might hinder their faith. so in the end i allowed some things pass, just like that. till now i don't know what's a sacrement... alright, that was a few minutes ago.

anyway, my mind has been closed to dead. holidays drained me a lot, poor results made me feel sick, the love or hate question, etc. there're just so many things that are cramped in my head. but the love or hate question stayed there for the most number of days despite this not being the most distractive. haiz. i wanted to get close to her, but she seems to be backing out a little on any occasion. then i was thinking i'm not even well enough to care about myself, let alone taking care of her? but if she doesn't want at all, why not tell me straight to me? or another case is that she doesn't know i'm doing this!

anw, yawns meant i need to doze off now. wish christians and catholics a meaningful reflection over these days. (: